From 1 Chronicles 28, Emma challenged us to revisit our own seeking with God. I remembered a time when I felt I had successfully sought to become more like Jesus in loving my neighbor. I sought to have one 5 minute conversation with someone from my neighborhood every day.
My first attempt lasted about 6 days then I missed a couple days. But I felt it was possible. So I restarted and went over 30 days straight of having at least one 5 minute conversation with someone from the complex every day. After that break, I managed another streak of about 2 weeks. But suddenly, honestly, I found it was rather natural to speak with my neighbors and I didn’t bother trying to record a streak. By the time I moved out 2 years later, it wasn’t possible for me to walk thru the courtyard without someone yelling out my name and greeting me.
Many days during the streak, I didn’t think it would be possible to keep it going. I remember a couple times coming home at around 10pm and needing very badly to sleep. I would tell myself: “Well, I guess today is the day the streak ends.” But miraculously, God would have someone walk out my building for a smoke, or get out of their car right next to me and I would get to talk to them. I thought it was really interesting that God faithfully gave me the grace to persevere and the grace to maintain the streak. I think part of the reason why was because it was never about the streak but the goal of knowing my community. I couldn’t love my neighbors like Jesus if I didn’t know them. And I couldn’t know them if I didn’t talk to them.
Currently, I have been asking, seeking, and knocking on the door of healing and miracles. I’ve read books about healing and ask God every morning for the gift. The knock part, the act part, for me has been actually praying for people to be healed and writing down the person’s name and ailment I prayed for. At first, I would write below it: ‘no change.’ But after praying for about 30 or so people, I realized I was beginning to become proud of not seeing any healing. This was where I was when Emma shared her reflection. I felt convicted by Holy Spirit that week after I saw someone to pray for but deliberately did not pray. I didn’t pray because I didn’t think God would answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to. In response to the conviction, I went back and scratched out all the ‘no change’ comments. And I’ll tell you why next time.