I mentioned last time that while at OneThing in Kansas City, someone shared a prophetic word with me which was Job 28. I read the passage when I got home from the conference and found the words there seemed to be a direct response to my prayer to grow in respect. But before I read the passage, I had a conversation with my fiancé which was difficult for me.
While we were at the conference, she was deeply moved by something the first speaker shared. And I found myself mildly offended. While we processed the teaching together, I shared that I agreed with what the speaker shared but didn’t understand why she seemed so determined now to respond. I was confused because I had been sharing exactly the same thing with her for about the last three months and slowly we had been moving in the direction preached by the speaker. I felt hurt because her response implied to me that she trusted him more than me. It seemed that when she would tell the story of her growth in the future, the seminal component would be the speaker rather me.
And even as I was trying to say this to her, I realized how incredibly selfish my words were. I deeply desire to be her encourager and enable her to life a life fully alive in Christ. I could see all the work I had put in and assumed I would also be the one to harvest from my effort in her spiritual life. I was humbled to watch another person be the blossoming touch in the life of the person I love most on earth. I realized I wanted to be that person for her.
After the conversation, I found myself not only asking for her forgiveness for my selfishness, but also talking to God. I asked God for a humble love that rejoices, that hallelujahs at the work of God more than at my role in His accomplishing it. I asked for a love which celebrates what God has done in places I worked without feeling credit for my role. I asked for a love which is encouraged by everything God does and asked to remain unoccupied by my presence in His accomplishments. And finally, I prayed that God would forgive me for wanting fame in heaven more than being His friend on earth. I asked for a humility to pursue friendship with God rather than fame from God.
This prayer and the one asking to learn to fear God were the major prayers in my heart as I went into the prophetic ministry time the next day. We’ll dig into that more next time.
- Ben :D